Tributes

How to Write a Eulogy: Guide with Templates

Updated 2026-03-10

How to Write a Eulogy: Guide with Templates

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Being asked to deliver a eulogy is one of the most meaningful — and daunting — things someone can ask of you. It means they trust you to capture the essence of someone they loved. The pressure feels enormous, but here’s the truth: you don’t need to be a great writer or speaker. You just need to be honest, specific, and willing to show up.

This guide walks you through every step, from gathering material to delivering the speech, with templates and practical tips for managing the emotional weight of the moment.

Key Takeaways

  • A good eulogy is 5-10 minutes (roughly 700-1500 words). Shorter is almost always better.
  • Specificity is everything. One vivid story says more than ten general compliments.
  • It’s okay to cry during the eulogy. It’s okay to pause. The audience expects emotion and respects it.
  • Humor is welcome and often needed. Laughter at a funeral isn’t disrespectful — it’s healing.
  • Practice out loud at least three times. Reading silently doesn’t prepare you for the emotional experience of speaking the words.

Step 1: Gather Material

Before you write a single word, collect raw material:

  • Your memories. Write down every memory that comes to mind, no matter how small. The specific ones (“He always burned the first pancake and fed it to the dog”) are gold.
  • Other people’s memories. Call or text 5-10 people who knew the person well. Ask: “What’s your favorite memory of [name]?” and “What did [name] teach you?”
  • Their qualities. What made them distinctly them? Not “they were kind” — but how were they kind? What did kindness look like coming from them specifically?
  • Their sayings. Did they have catchphrases, recurring jokes, or pieces of advice they repeated?
  • Key life moments. Career highlights, family milestones, passions, turning points.

Step 2: Choose a Structure

The Three-Story Structure (Recommended)

  1. Opening: Who they were to you, and one sentence that captures their essence.
  2. Story 1: A story that illustrates their core character trait.
  3. Story 2: A story that shows another dimension — humor, resilience, love.
  4. Story 3: A story about their impact on others (not just you).
  5. Closing: What you’ll carry forward from knowing them. What you want the audience to remember.

The Chronological Structure

Walk through their life in phases: childhood, young adulthood, career, family, later years. This works well for long lives with distinct chapters.

The Theme Structure

Choose 3-4 themes (generosity, humor, stubbornness, love of music) and share a story for each.

Step 3: Write the Draft

Opening Lines (Templates)

Simple and direct:

“[Name] was the kind of person who [specific characteristic]. If you knew them for five minutes, you knew that about them. If you knew them for fifty years, you knew it even more.”

With humor:

“[Name] would hate that I’m standing here being serious about them. So I’ll try to keep this the way they would have wanted it — honest, a little bit funny, and under ten minutes. I make no promises on the last one.”

Reflective:

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to summarize [Name]‘s life in a few minutes, and the honest answer is: I can’t. But I can share a few moments that show you who they really were.”

Body (Story Templates)

Character-revealing story:

“One of my favorite memories of [Name] happened [when/where]. [Tell the story with specific details — what happened, what they said, how they reacted]. That moment tells you everything you need to know about who [Name] was: [quality it reveals].”

Funny story:

“[Name] had a way of [funny characteristic]. I remember the time [specific funny story]. Everyone laughed, and [Name] [their reaction]. That was classic [Name].”

Impact story:

“What I keep coming back to is the way [Name] made people feel. [Specific example of their impact — on a child, a stranger, a friend, a community]. They probably didn’t think of it as a big deal. That’s what made it matter.”

Closing Lines (Templates)

Forward-looking:

“I don’t know how to live without [Name], but I know they’d want us to try. They’d want us to [specific thing they valued — laugh more, worry less, be kinder to strangers, eat dessert first]. So that’s what I’m going to do.”

Addressing the person:

“[Name], thank you for [specific things]. We’ll carry you with us — in [specific ways]. We love you.”

Community-focused:

“Look around this room. Every person here has a [Name] story. That’s the kind of life they built — one that touched everyone it reached. And the best way we honor that is by living the way they showed us.”

Step 4: Edit and Refine

  • Cut ruthlessly. If a story doesn’t serve the eulogy, remove it regardless of how much you love it.
  • Read it out loud. What looks good on paper sometimes doesn’t sound natural when spoken.
  • Time it. Aim for 5-10 minutes. Most people speak about 150 words per minute.
  • Check names and facts. Errors are distracting and disrespectful.
  • Get feedback. Ask one trusted person to read it and flag anything that feels off.

Step 5: Deliver It

Practical Tips

  • Print it in large font (16-18 pt) with double spacing. You’ll want to read easily through tears.
  • Bring water. Place it at the podium before you start.
  • Mark pause points. Write “PAUSE” or “BREATHE” in the margins at emotional moments.
  • Make eye contact when you can, but reading directly from the page is completely fine.
  • Speak slowly. Grief makes us rush. Consciously slow down.

Managing Emotions

  • It’s okay to cry. The audience expects it. They’re crying too.
  • Pause when you need to. Take a breath, take a sip of water, and continue when ready.
  • Have a backup. Give a copy to someone who can step in if you can’t continue.
  • Don’t apologize for crying. You’re not performing. You’re honoring someone.

What to Avoid

  • Cliches without specifics. “They lit up a room” means nothing without an example of how.
  • Airing grievances. A eulogy is not the place for complex family dynamics.
  • Inside jokes no one else understands. Include the audience.
  • Making it about yourself. You’re the narrator, not the subject.
  • Reading the entire biography. Born in 1952, graduated in 1970, married in 1975… this isn’t a resume.
  • Religious or philosophical assumptions. Unless you know the audience shares those beliefs, keep it inclusive.

Next Steps

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